Job interviews and disability

First of all, I would like to apologize for the long hiatus. Today's post is related to the reason for which I've been absent from posting for such a long time. I just didn't have any more free time and I really like to take my time and put all of my ideas in order when I write a post, so it's easy and enjoyable to read for everyone. So why have I been absent? I got a job!!! A full time awesome job which makes me feel complete.

But before getting the job (which is within a huge IT corporation), I faced many many interviews which ended with "Thank you for coming, we will call you soon to give you an answer." I found out that it can be pretty tricky to get a job as someone who has a physical disability even though my resume was flawless, I studied abroad and I had strong knowledge in my field. Everything seemed to be against me. But with every interview, I learned what I should say and not say when confronted about my condition... because most of the interviewers did ask me questions. They're not asking to be impolite or curious, but it's important to know if a future employee will be suitable for the position in every possible way, from a HR point of view. And there are some things which must be kept in mind:

1. Be confident 

 Don't freak out when they ask about your condition/wheelchair. Calmly explain that it will not get in the way of your daily activity and that it does not affect your productivity. If they see you that you're nervous, they might think that you are trying to make it seem as something that it's not, and it will make you look like someone who easily lose their calm. Smile, keep your head up and calmly answer all of their questions BUT don't go overboard: keep it real. Don't tell them that you can do things that you can not actually do on your own, because the lie will surface sooner or later and it will come back to get you. But since you're there, it would make sense that you know exactly what you will be dealing with day by day and that you know that you can handle everything.

2. Don't act defensive 

 I know lots of people get offended when asked about their condition. Remember that the employer must know for sure that they are hiring people who can do the job. Not everyone knows exactly what you can do and what you can not do only by looking at you. Issues such as moving around the office, commuting to/from work or going to the bathroom (which if you can not handle on your own I believe that you can have your personal assistant help you with, but it depends on the country and company).

3. Focus on your skills

If you were invited to the interview then you should have the necessary skills for the job and what you should do is present those skills the best you can. Make your value as an employer shine, and most interviewers won't even care anymore about your condition. A valuable set of skills is so important these days! And nothing else will matter...


And with these being said, good luck! Don't lose hope if you don't get a job on the first try, it took me 1 full year. Keep trying and trying and you will not regret it. Believe in yourself and everyone else will do too!

Disability and Relationships

Everyone needs and wants to be loved. It’s natural and beautiful. And we all fall for someone sooner or later, it just depends on the reciprocation of the feelings.

One thing which annoys me greatly is when I hear some says that if you have a disability, you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. That is bullshit! It’s rude, wrong and mean. And the funniest thing is that once I’ve been told this exact same thing by someone who ended up having a horrific love life while mine has been pretty decent up to this age. Now, if you have a disability and have the same state of mind as I mentioned before, this is a really bad thing and it won’t bring you anything good. You have the right to love and be loved as much as any other able bodied person. Now, let’s get some things straight.

A bad attitude is worse than having a disability

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes your failure when you are looking for a partner doesn’t come from your physical issues but from the way you’re handling it emotionally. Don’t start a conversation with endless complaints about your condition. Don’t try to make yourself look “special” or “different”, since this can be quite offputting and intimidate your date, who might have second thoughts on how to handle this from an emotional point of view to meet your needs. And don’t bomb your date with explanations on how your condition is affecting you from the first minutes, unless he asks. However, if things are moving in the right direction, it is very important to have a serious discussion and make sure your date understands fully what your challenges are. If they are really into you, they won’t go back on it so don’t be scared.

It’s not all about a flawless body

If a guy/girl is interested only in his partner’s looks, we’re either talking about a teenager or someone who really doesn’t want to grow up. A relationship is much more than sex, and it involves communication, finding common hobbies, long deep conversations, laughing at eachother’s jokes, sharing similar views and more. Attraction is important, but sometimes the things that make you worth thinking of will be the things you say and do.

No one is perfect

Never ever think that you are flawed because of your disability. Just because your imperfection is visible, it doesn’t mean it’s a lot greater than someone else’s “invisible” flaw. Some people are jealous, others are constantly nagging, some suffer from personality disorders which affect their everyday life, but when you fall in love with someone, none of these things matter anymore. So why would a wheelchair matter? Because you sometimes need help getting around or completing everyday tasks? It’s no different than helping your partner doing the dishes, offering emotional support when they’re down or offering to help them with small things around the house. A relationship means being there for eachother for good and for bad.

These are just a few small things I felt like throwing out there for the people who are afraid of dating. I’ve been in 3 long term relationships so far (currently on my 3rd), which sadly ended both because of our young age and some issues which were totally unrelated to my disability. Those were some valuable learning experiences though, so no hard feelings.

I will come back soon with a post on sexuality, but my time is short right now, and that will be a more lengthy post than this one.

Accessible traveling - Basic tips

Photo taken from www.toskana.net

Traveling is a thing which everyone loves and enjoys to the fullest whenever they can, but it can sometimes be a hassle for someone with reduced mobility. Sadly, lots of places have limited accessibility and you can find yourself wasting your time trying to find solutions rather than enjoying the surroundings. So many people simply abandon the thought of a fun holiday away from their home, simply because planning it ahead seems too complicated. But in reality, it’s not so bad! After living on my own in a foreign country and traveling on my own around Europe, I’ve learned some tips to make everything smooth and easy.

1. Plan your route

No matter what the means of transport of choice is (unless it’s a car), make sure the country you are planning to visit has accessible public transport, or if it is limited to certain routes, make sure you plan it according to those routes. To give an example, in Brussels there were only 2 Bus lines which were fully accessible so it would have been a good idea to plan the sightseeing and the accommodation as close as possible to one of the bus stations provided. Also, you might need to require assistance 24 hours in advance for other means of transport such as trains and boats, so they know and install a ramp or whatever it is necessary to make your trip smooth and worryless. This is usually easily done through phone or on their websites.

2. Accomodation

Keep in mind that not all hotels have rooms designed to host a person with disabilities, while others might have stairs and no elevators. The same goes for hostels. There are various websites which can help you choose the perfect hotel for your staying. For Europe, I found Disabled Holiday Directory to be very useful. And I’ve made a quick research for US too, and found Hotels.doc which basically has a filtering option for a variety of accessibility options. Call the hotel in advance and ask to be sure, since sometimes their understanding of accessibility might be a little different from your actual needs, which can become inconvenient. Accessible accommodation is extremely important, to make sure you get enough rest to be able to enjoy the holiday to the fullest!

3. Accessible tourist attractions

For each country and city, you can easily find online a list of fun places to visit which are fully tailored to meet any difficulties you might have with accessibility. Usually, most museums have ramps and elevators, but if you are thinking of visiting old castles or natural attractions, you might want to check beforehand. Check their website or give them a call.

If you are planning to visit places in Europe, please be aware of the fact that some of the old cities, like Rome and Brussels are covered in cobblestone, which can make for a bumpy ride for wheelchair users or make it very easy to trip for someone who has trouble walking unassisted. There are maps and directions online, for the routes with “new” paths, so you can avoid those places or at least be aware of what you are going to encounter.

All in all, just buy a map, mark the places you want to visit and make a route. Try to stick to it as much as possible, and everything should be alright. Or if you are a fan of adventure, just go with the flow! Just make sure you don’t end up stuck or not being able to see much. It depends a lot on the country too, since some are 80% accessible, and others need a lot of planning. But as I said, research it well before leaving and have fun!

There are just a few tips for a smooth and pleasant holiday planning while dealing with physical impairment. I am soon planning on making a detailed guide for traveling in Brussels and Amsterdam, since those are my favorite Europe destinations that I have visited. Hopefully, there will be London and Paris coming up this year! I just need to visit them first.

For any questions or if you want to add anything, don’t hesitate to comment to this post, message me, or contact me through the Facebook Page. I will do my best to research with you and helping however I can.

5 Famous People who overcame their disability

I often hear people with disabilities saying that they want to do a certain big thing but they won’t even try, because they know they won’t succeed. But have you even tried? Maybe there is a way to do it, or maybe there is something else you can do which is very much related to your first plan. Where would the world be if everyone did the same? You might say that the others are not disabled so everything is easier for them. So I picked 5 disabled personalities who will live forever in the world’s memory for their amazing achievements. What if they would have had this “I can’t” attitude? The world would be poorer for sure. So next time you hesitate, think of these awesome people and try again!

Stephen Hawking (born in 1942)

It’s almost impossible to never hear of Stephen Hawking on the internet or on TV. He is an English theoretical physicist, cosmologist, author and Director of Research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology within the University of Cambridge and he is famous for discussing his own theories and cosmology in general.

Hawking has a motor neuron disease related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), or Lou Gehrig's Disease, a condition that has progressed over the years. He is almost entirely paralysed and communicates through a speech-generating device.

As a science enthusiast myself, I think this man is amazing. And the most important, he never gave up on his studies and his dream of making groundbreaking discoveries, despite his condition which got worse and worse as the years passed.

Since the 1990s, Hawking has accepted the mantle of role model for disabled people, lecturing and participating in fundraising activities. At the turn of the century, he and eleven other luminaries signed the "Charter for the Third Millennium on Disability" which called on governments to prevent disability and protect disabled rights.
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Hawking

http://www.hawking.org.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/stephenhawking

Ludwig Van Beethoven (1770 - 1827)

We move on to those who are no longer on Earth, but only in spirit and memory. Not many know that the famous musician whose symphonies are still listened every day all over the world, was actually deaf. He gradually lost his hearing, starting from the age of 30, and by the last decade of his life he was totally deaf.

Despite his loss of hearing, he continued to compose, many of his most admired works actually dating from the time when he was completely deaf. There are lots of explanations for his ability to still compose wonderful music despite his complete lack of hearing, but I guess he just found a way to adapt and keep doing what he loved the most.

So next time you hear the Ninth Symphony, remember that disability is not an impediment to doing what you love, but just a challenge you can overcome!

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_van_Beethoven
http://www.biography.com/people/ludwig-van-beethoven-9204862

Frida Khalo (1907 - 1954)

The famous Mexican painter is well known for her self-portraits and her work has always been an emblematic of Mexican national and indigenous tradition and by feminists for its uncompromising depiction of the female experience and form.

She had numerous health issues, part of which were caused by a bus accident in 1925. The bus she was riding collided with a trolley car. She suffered serious injuries as a result of the accident, including a broken spinal column, a broken collarbone, broken ribs, a broken pelvis, eleven fractures in her right leg, a crushed and dislocated right foot, and a dislocated shoulder. She recovered from the serious injuries, but never fully.

Kahlo also contracted polio at age six, which left her right leg thinner than the left; she disguised this later in life by wearing long, colorful skirts. It has been conjectured that she was born with spina bifida, a congenital condition that could have affected both spinal and leg development.

Despite her situation, she never gave up on painting, instead she managed to transcend her pain and express it in her paintings.

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frida_Kahlo
http://www.fridakahlo.com/

Bethany Hamilton (born in 1990)

Bethany is an American professional surfer who lost one of her arms in a shark attack back in 2003. While most people doubted she would be back to surfing, she never allowed her accident to stand in the way of her passion – surfing. She wrote about her experience in the 2004 autobiography Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Fighting to Get Back on the Board. In April 2011, the feature film Soul Surfer was released; it was based on the book and additional interviews. She has appeared on many television shows since the loss of her arm.

Her and her husband, Adam Dirks, are competing as a team on one of my favorite TV shows, The Amazing Race, which has the final episode this Friday. They made it to the final 4 and I’ve been rooting from them from the very beginning, really hoping they will win this. Bethany was amazing through the whole competition and rocked all the challenges despite her having one arm. I always try to adapt to the everyday tasks, but even I was blown away seeing her finding her own ways to do things which are sometimes hard to do even for people with two arms. And what I loved the most about their team, I’ve never seen them fighting or arguing. One of my favorite all time teams! Best of luck on Friday, Bethany and Adam!

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bethany_Hamilton
http://bethanyhamilton.com/
https://www.facebook.com/SurferBethanyHamilton

Nicholas James "Nick" Vujicic (born in 1982)

Nick is an Australian motivational speaker and an Evangelist preacher born with a rare disorder called “tetra-amelia syndrome”, which basically means that he is missing all of his four limbs. Despite his severe condition, he chose to have a fulfilling life and motivate everyone else to do the same. He has a double bachelor degree in accounting and financial planning and he is the founder of the non-profit organization Life Without Limbs.

Vujicic promotes his work through television shows and through his writing. His first book, Life Without Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously Good Life was published by Random House in 2010. He markets a motivational DVD,Life's Greater Purpose, a short documentary filmed in 2005 highlighting his home life and regular activities. The second part of the DVD was filmed at his local church in Brisbane – one of his first professional motivational speeches. He markets a DVD for young people titled No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!.

He managed to look beyond his disability and lead a fulfilling life, while helping others to overcome their own obstacles and I think that's an amazing way of spending your life.

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NickVujicic

5 Disability Support and Motivation Blogs

Over the past few days, I immersed myself into the big world of Blogging, trying to select 5 of the ones I like the most to share with you guys. Some have very valuable day by day information regarding living with a disability, others are just stories depicting the lives of people who chose to live their life to the fullest, despite dealing with a disability - which is what my blog is trying to motivate all of you wonderful people reading my blog. So, to a few examples of helpful websites and blogs:

Disability Horizons
Facebook Page

This magazine is the UK’s fastest growing disability lifestyle publication. Started in the summer of 2011 by two disabled entrepreneurs, Disability Horizons now has a rapidly growing monthly web audience of 25.000 people. The most important thing about this magazine is that it is entirely sourced from its reader community. The main goal of its content is to motivate people with disabilities to live exactly as they choose, which is also what my blog is all about. Their categories feature subjects such as: Entertainment, Lifestyle, News &Views, Relationships & Sex, Sport, Technology, Travel and Work&Education. Highly recommended!

Off the Wall Disability and Disabled Blog
Twitter

A group of disabled people in the UK who also run the famous www.ableize.com (the UK’s largest and busiest disability resource) created this blog to share everything related to disability and mobility which could be of high interest for the people who are dealing with these issues. There is a bit of everything for everyone from daily living aids to shopping sites, both on the website and on the blog and most of it is targeted to everyone and not just UK citizens. Community of this kind are very important, so we can all support eachother and share the things which truly matter.

Disabilities Unlimited
Facebook

I chose this blog because it was created by a person who is also trying to make the best of of his life despite the challenges he faces every day. I was surprised to learn that he was also born with Arthrogryposis, which is quite a rare condition. But I guess it is somehow in our blood to keep going and try to reach the sky, right? Bill Micklitz is also a Speaker/Consultant contantly helping employers to see the real value of hiring people with disabilities and encouraging them to bring diversity into their business. “Very educational, amusing, and lots of laughs.” is a quote which made me check out more of his stuff and I’m sure it will be helpful for you too!

Disability Thinking
Facebook Page

This Blog is owned by Andrew Pulrang, another wonderful person who decided to break all barriers and live the life he wanted to live even though he is also dealing with Arthrogryposis. Just like my blog and the others I have presented here, the whole content is written in a positive, uplifting way, but without forgetting to talk about the real life as we all face it every day. I really love his style and I recommend his blog to everyone who is reading my blog!

Hedgehog Blog
Facebook Page

A beautiful 32 years old mom who has been dealing with Cerebral Palsy since birth, chose to show the world bits of her happy family life. Scrolling through her posts always puts a smile on my face, she really does seem happy and she is a clear example that having a disability should never keep you back from having the life you want, get married, have kids and enjoy every second of it to the fullest.

If any of the blog owners mentioned here see this post, I want to thank you for being awesome and show the world that disability can't take away your right of living a free and full life!

Reduced mobility: Putting on socks, shoes, and fastening laces without using your hands

So now that we took the introduction out of the way, let’s get to a problem which a lot of people with reduced mobility face every day: gaining independence. Sure, in some cases gaining 100% independence is impossible and we still need someone to assist us with some tasks, but if there are things we can do on our own, it will improve our lives so much and our self confidence too!

Getting dressed can be quite a challenge for some of us. Hands and arms reduced mobility, weak muscles, legs which don’t bend and the reduced ability to bend down because of the medical condition we are dealing with. All of these can be things which make getting dressed on your own sometimes impossible.

In my case, my legs don’t bend and I can’t bend down myself due to severe scoliosis. I could always get dressed (even though I strain my back a lot), but when it came to socks and shoes, I would surrender without a second thought. So upon my decision of moving out of my parents house for studies, I had to find a solution to a problem which seemed to have no way of getting solved: I need hands to get my socks and shoes on, and my hands won’t go that far. But wait! You can actually do this without hands. How? I will explain further.

After talking to some wonderful people who are dealing with the same issues as I do + further research, I came up with a system for hands-free socks and shoes with laces which require no fastening. It will require some shopping but it’s nothing too expensive and it will be so worth. Also, the stick I’m using for the shoes can be used for getting dressed as well without major effort! I am only using sneakers and any sort of shoes which need laces, because my feet are weird and shoes will escape with any occasion. So to avoid frustrating events and having to awkwardly ask people to pick up my rebel shoe from the ground, I like to keep them nicely and tightly wrapped around my foot. If you don’t need laces, then the first part should work just fine if you are still having trouble putting on socks and shoes.

The things and method which I am going to post works for me like a charm, but depending on your condition and mobility/muscle strength, you might want to do more research and look for different similar items to aid yourself. Contact me and I will personally help you find a solution tailored to your needs, as much as I can.

For the socks, you only need one item: a stocking aid. You need to find the model which suits you the best. I have this simple model I purchased from Amazon for £4: Sock and stocking aid - Mobility Aid (this is from Amazon UK but you can find very similar products on Amazon US as well) . Just roll the sock on it and pull it up your feet. It works great for hands with reduced mobility too, you can just put your hands through the loops at the end of the handles. It’s also super resistant.

Anyway, back to my shoes system! What you need:

1. A dressing stick. My choice was this simple Aidapt Dressing Stick which was only £5 on Amazon UK. It’s also amazing for grabbing my clothes from wherever they are without having to stand up, hooking my pants and pulling them up from a fair distance. No back straining, no worries.
2. Lock Laces. These things were designed for running and sports but ironically they can be a true blessing for those of us who can’t even walk properly. Just set them up into your sneakers and get to the next step!

Now, what I do is pretty simple. Note that for the first step, some sneakers might not have the little piece of fabric in the back, which I use for hooking the sneakers with the dressing stick. But you can easily grab a needle and some fabric and sew something small and subtle on the inside of the shoe, but careful to make it strong enough to hold the pulling. So to the steps:

1. Hook your shoe with the dressing stick like in the picture. Drag it in front of your foot and try to guide it carefully and slip your foot in it. For me it’s a bit hard to do sometimes, since my feet have a strange shape, so depending on your feet it may need a bit of pulling. Worry not that the hook will break, it’s actually really strong!
2. So now that you have the foot inside the shoe, here comes the tricky part. Take the stick and hold it upside down, with the hook towards your shoes. Then slowly hook the laces starting from the bottom and pull, to fasten them. When you reach the top, just hook it and pull hard to reach your other hand. Hold it tight, and with the other end of the stick just push back the locking part, until it reaches the shoe. Let it go from your hand, then try to tuck the hanging part of the lace with the stick. This part can be tricky but it’s ok to leave it hanging too if it’s not too long. It actually looks quite fancy.

I'm very sorry for the pictures quality, I will try to change them when I have better light and someone to hold the stick or the shoe for me, it was quite hard to do it on my own.

So now you have your shoes and you’re ready to go. And you did it all by yourself! I know the first time I did it I felt like I have achieved something amazing. Which sounds funny because it’s normally such a simple task. But hey, the idea is to adapt and this is what we do here!

And when you want to take off your shoes, just use the other end of the dessing stick. Slip it between your shoe and foot and push. Off it goes with one move!

I would love to hear opinions and other methods. Also, I’d be very happy if you decide to post here if you tried it and it works fine for you. Don’t hesitate to ask me questions, I’d be happy to offer more support if I can!

We are now on Facebook!

Hello friends, a Facebook page for this blog was recently created. Like and follow for new content and more surprises!

Link to the Facebook Page 

Hopefully you are all enjoying the posts. I will post something new either tonight or tomorrow morning, and it will be related to aiding equipment for dressing and putting on shoes. I hope it does help some of you.

In the meantime, I'm waiting for more suggestions on what you guys want to hear more about. So feel free to comment. Criticism is also appreciated, as long as it is constructive. :)

Dealing with the lack of accessibility when going out

We all know the pain of having to deal with old buildings which have no ramps or adapted restrooms. The world is slowly trying to make everything accessible for everyone, in some parts of the world less than in others but I had noticed an improvement even in Romania. However, we can’t always get it our way. I’ve heard people saying they gave up on going out because everywhere they go, there are stairs and it’s frustrating having someone to help all the time. Getting away from your house as often as you can is something which will improve your confidence, social skills and lifestyle altogether a lot, so it’s important to find a way to deal with this issue. I have a few recommendations which may not work for everyone but I hope they help.

Now for the transport: You might already have an adapted car and a driver’s license so we got this out of the way. Or you have a friend who will pick you up. I pick up my friends too if they are in the way to the place where I want to go so that’s not necessarily a huge favor. And it’s always nice to all get there at the same time or at least get there in a group. If you decide to take a taxi, make sure the car will be able to transport you and your wheelchair/wheel walker/crutches or whatever you are using to move around. I often have drivers telling me they can’t pick me up because my stroller won’t fit in the back so it’s good to let them know in advance. Lastly, if you want to just take public transport, most countries have the buses and metro lines adapted, with elevators and all. Make sure that it’s all accessible, look it up on websites and you should be all fine.

Now for the location, one thing you can do is plan an event with your friends and make sure you choose the place. Or make sure you tell the friend who is supposed to organize the event that it is preferable that the place has good accessibility. There are tons of websites which will filter the inaccessible buildings for you so you can choose out of the ones you have full freedom with. The websites depend on each country, so just do a quick Google search looking for the key words: “accessible restaurants/bars/whatever place you want to go to in [your city]” (for cinemas, theatre and show venues, they should have this info clearly stated on their website and they’re usually fully accessible). Depending on where you live, this may not be too successful. Then the only thing you can do is look for options and then look the locations up online. It’s very much likely that these places all have websites, with photos and all. You should easily see if there are any stairs or if there is a ramp. You can even e-mail them and kindly ask them to give you more information. I always do this and I’ve never had issues.

If everything else fails and you will have to be carried or helped up stairs and inaccessible places and you are with friends or family, please remember that these people love you unconditionally and you should not feel ashamed or that you are a burden to them. If they want you around, they appreciate your presence there and would rather help you get around than not having you there. Just act casual about it and don’t overthink it. Sometime in life, they might need your help too one way or another, even if it is not of physical nature, like asking for an important advice or a favor. It is the same thing and should NOT make you want to stay at home instead of having some quality time with your loved ones.

Whatever you do, don’t forget that your social life and time spent with the people you love should not be affected by your physical impairment. You can always find a way around it. And ignore the stares you might get from others. Just imagine if blatant ignorance was visible, then we would all have something to look at too! The only ones that care is the ones who care about you and vice-versa. Strangers are people you will most likely never see again.

Seeing your situation realistically without demonizing it

I’m bad with titles but I hope you got the idea. Each and every one of us sees their life and situation in a certain way and we often tend to exaggerate it in a direction or another.

There are the people who see it as a blessing and a gift. Sure you would think this is a great way of dealing with it, but this way of thinking often leads the person into feeling superior and “special”. As I was saying before, no we are not special. This is our reality and it is the same reality around everyone else, we just do things differently. Our goal is to have a life as close to normal as possible. If you consider yourself some sort of elite and then complain about not having friends and blaming it on your disability, you may think again about it and reconsider your attitude towards others. We are all equal, we are not gifted, we are not blessed; at least not from this point of view. You may be gifted and blessed with a great sense of humor, musical talent, a high IQ, but not blessed with a medical condition. I’m sorry for being bluntly honest, but this way of thinking and acting won’t bring along anything good on the long run.

Then there are the people (most of the people) who are horribly unhappy with their situation and spend their lives crying and being depressed. It is normal to feel this way at times, but being always upset over it won’t make it better. It doesn’t help you or anyone around you. It makes you become unmotivated and you will literally waste your life just sitting and pitying yourself. Sure we all wish we didn’t have to deal with this, but it is what it is. Better think of all the things you can actually do? There is something for everyone, especially in this day of technology. Focus more on your family and job/school, get a hobby, learn a new skill (lots of online free learning websites for anything you can possibly think of). These things will make you feel like you are truly accomplishing something and not waste your life thinking of how your life would be if you were healthy.

I will at some point in the future make a big blog post regarding the many disabled people who changed the world one way or another. They found their way in life and if they could, then why couldn’t you? To give a fast example now, you all heard of Stephen Hawking. He’s brilliant and has achieved so so much. You don’t need a healthy body to reach the sky.

Also, no matter how rare or impossibly to fix disability you have, never stop checking the news in the medical field. The progress is so fast and mind blowing, in a few years we will be able to fix almost anything. Join communities, subscribe to websites, check news. Maybe the day will come. Never stop hoping and try to keep a realistic view on the things.

Look at yourself the way you would like others to see you

I said at the beginning of this blog, it’s all about the attitude. People might see at first sight a person in a wheelchair. Have a conversation with them and after a few minutes, they might just see in you a very awesome friend they would love to hang out with more.

The fact is, we are all different. Some of us have blue eyes, other have them brown or green, some are taller, others are shorter and the list could go on forever. Why not try to see the disability just as one of the things which makes each individual unique? I see people talking about it as the biggest curse in their life and not allowing them to enjoy life, and I see the people on the other extreme, who see it as some sort of blessing or a gift which makes them “special” – which is also bad sometimes, as these people tend to become solitary, since they are too “special” to be around other people. NO. We’re all NORMAL, in our own way. Normality is an abstract thing, and it’s different from individual to individual. Don’t make it a HUGE deal, either bad or good. It’s not a big deal, it’s like having blue eyes or blonde hair. It’s just who you are.

Also, when you meet someone new, DON’T talk over and over again about your condition. Talk about your interests, your hobbies, favorite TV shows, music, anything you would actually want to share with that person. Act natural, do small talk until you are being asked about it. Then kindly answer and give some background, but don’t turn it into a never ending talk. Not only that they might actually start looking at you in a different way (which you don’t want, if you want to have a normal social life), but some could even start feeling uncomfortable not knowing what to say. Usually, when I’m being asked about my own condition, after telling them briefly, I add “oh but don’t worry, it won’t ever stop me from doing anything I want to do.” I see people tend to become depressed after hearing stuff like that, and I wouldn’t want to have in front of me someone who’s depressed over my own issues. So they smile with me and then the conversation carries on changing the subject.

I like to think that none of my close friends ever considered me “the girl with the wheel walker”. People tend to even forget about it. However, make sure you let them know subtelly about your limits. For example, my boyfriend knows that I can’t go to a certain bar with him because it’s deep underground and has some horrendous stairs I can’t descend. But considering that some things are obvious, this shouldn’t be a problem. Just smile and let them know. Hey, there are lots of people who are lactose intolerant and can’t eat certain things, and let’s not forget the allergies some have, or even strange phobias, like fear of balloons! There’s nothing embarassing in not being able to do a certain thing or be in a certain place. Everyone has this issue at some point in their life, don’t let this make you scared of going out or being in a social environment. There are lots of things anyone can do.

In the end, I would just like to add that there are always exceptions: narrow-minded people who stare and refuse to see you as you are, and would rather resume at your physical condition… let’s say that they have a “twisted” view of what normality is. Those people are not worth to worry about, so carry on, enjoy life and let them live in their own little world filled with perfectly abled people. The will eventually end up being all alone and sad and wonder where they went wrong when they chose the people they thought they needed around. You don’t need those people, that’s a sure thing.

If anyone gets the movie refference, just “Smile and wave!” :)