Mental illness awareness Post

Hi friends, I apologize for being away for so long again. Lots of things happened in my life, and I had to take care of everything. Such is life. 

This post is going to be something different. I know that here we speak mostly about our daily obstacles as people with disabilities, but today I want to speak about something which has to do a lot more with the mind than with the body: mental health. Or better said, mental illness.

Over the past few months, I've watched a friend whom I love very very much, slowly turning into a completely different person, due to schizophrenia. At first, I thought he was just dealing with a lot of stress in his life, which would make him a little more grumpy than usually, but soon I realized that his actions and words were making less and less sense. He was slowly slipping in a state where he couldn't make the difference between what's real and what's in his head. And to this day, he's struggling with his illness, alone, confused and in mental and physical pain.

Why alone? Because his family couldn't handle it and/or couldn't understand what was happening to him. His friends gave up on him one by one, as he started abusing them verbally for no reason. I was verbally abused too. He doesn't want to see anyone anymore. He's living this life alone, because he thinks that no one can understand him and his world. And the authorities? Well, with no one taking action, they can't do much. I'm just a friend of his, and I have very little power. His family should be there for him, support him through his treatment, help him get help from a professional, but they chose to forget about his existence.

So why am I sharing this sob story instead of making an actual post related to any kind of disability? Mental illness can also become a disability. Please, please, if one of your loved ones ever gives signs of mental issues, don't just ditch them. Don't think that they are horrible people. They would hate to see themselves this way too, if they could. Help them, Support them. Don't let them become wrecks. Don't allow mental illness to strip them off of their dignity and self-respect. Treatment can do wonders these days.

Also, never EVER demonize mental illness treatment, as in medication. Some conditions NEED medication. There's no shame in taking antidepressants or anything else which helps anyone function as a normal human being.

Also, if you know someone who is struggling with heavy depression, look up the suicide line in your country and tell them to call. Those people are trained to help. 

Mental illness is serious, and should be taken seriously.

With this being said, I will go back to my regular posting sometime this week. I hope everyone reading this is doing well. And thanks for sticking around despite my absence.

Disabled punk band PKN representing Finland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2015

Even though this blog is targeted mainly towards people with physical disabilities, today I will make an exception and write about an event which caught my eye recently and made me extremely happy: the Finnish punk band Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät (English: Pertti Kurikka's Name Day), also known as PKN was chosen to participate at the Eurovision music contest, in May.

So now you will wonder, what’s so special about this band and what does it have to do with my blog? The members all have the Down’s Syndrome – a genetic disorder typically associated with intellectual disability. And it is the first time this happens at Eurovision, which means one step forward to acceptance and support for people with disabilities worldwide. 

They are famously known for being the main focus of the Finnish documentary film The Punk Syndrome. In 2015, they qualified for the finals of Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu, which they later won, and now finally they will be part of a major European Music contest - Eurovision! They write their own lyrics and perform often live on the stage. 

These guys are a reminder that it doesn’t matter what you’re being told about stereotypes and how “generally” you will have to fight your way through life having a disability. They achieved much more than most of the non-disabled people, while doing something they clearly enjoy doing. 

So this year, I know who I’m voting for. Not out of sympathy, but the truth is I really do like these guys! The last time I voted for these guys was in 2006, when Lordi won. As you probably realized already, I love rock and punk music and Finland delivers once more. Thank you, Finland and thank you PKN for being awesome and showing the world that disability means nothing when your only wish is to conquer the world! I really hope you guys win, you deserve it!

Disability and Relationships

Everyone needs and wants to be loved. It’s natural and beautiful. And we all fall for someone sooner or later, it just depends on the reciprocation of the feelings.

One thing which annoys me greatly is when I hear some says that if you have a disability, you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. That is bullshit! It’s rude, wrong and mean. And the funniest thing is that once I’ve been told this exact same thing by someone who ended up having a horrific love life while mine has been pretty decent up to this age. Now, if you have a disability and have the same state of mind as I mentioned before, this is a really bad thing and it won’t bring you anything good. You have the right to love and be loved as much as any other able bodied person. Now, let’s get some things straight.

A bad attitude is worse than having a disability

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes your failure when you are looking for a partner doesn’t come from your physical issues but from the way you’re handling it emotionally. Don’t start a conversation with endless complaints about your condition. Don’t try to make yourself look “special” or “different”, since this can be quite offputting and intimidate your date, who might have second thoughts on how to handle this from an emotional point of view to meet your needs. And don’t bomb your date with explanations on how your condition is affecting you from the first minutes, unless he asks. However, if things are moving in the right direction, it is very important to have a serious discussion and make sure your date understands fully what your challenges are. If they are really into you, they won’t go back on it so don’t be scared.

It’s not all about a flawless body

If a guy/girl is interested only in his partner’s looks, we’re either talking about a teenager or someone who really doesn’t want to grow up. A relationship is much more than sex, and it involves communication, finding common hobbies, long deep conversations, laughing at eachother’s jokes, sharing similar views and more. Attraction is important, but sometimes the things that make you worth thinking of will be the things you say and do.

No one is perfect

Never ever think that you are flawed because of your disability. Just because your imperfection is visible, it doesn’t mean it’s a lot greater than someone else’s “invisible” flaw. Some people are jealous, others are constantly nagging, some suffer from personality disorders which affect their everyday life, but when you fall in love with someone, none of these things matter anymore. So why would a wheelchair matter? Because you sometimes need help getting around or completing everyday tasks? It’s no different than helping your partner doing the dishes, offering emotional support when they’re down or offering to help them with small things around the house. A relationship means being there for eachother for good and for bad.

These are just a few small things I felt like throwing out there for the people who are afraid of dating. I’ve been in 3 long term relationships so far (currently on my 3rd), which sadly ended both because of our young age and some issues which were totally unrelated to my disability. Those were some valuable learning experiences though, so no hard feelings.

I will come back soon with a post on sexuality, but my time is short right now, and that will be a more lengthy post than this one.

Seeing your situation realistically without demonizing it

I’m bad with titles but I hope you got the idea. Each and every one of us sees their life and situation in a certain way and we often tend to exaggerate it in a direction or another.

There are the people who see it as a blessing and a gift. Sure you would think this is a great way of dealing with it, but this way of thinking often leads the person into feeling superior and “special”. As I was saying before, no we are not special. This is our reality and it is the same reality around everyone else, we just do things differently. Our goal is to have a life as close to normal as possible. If you consider yourself some sort of elite and then complain about not having friends and blaming it on your disability, you may think again about it and reconsider your attitude towards others. We are all equal, we are not gifted, we are not blessed; at least not from this point of view. You may be gifted and blessed with a great sense of humor, musical talent, a high IQ, but not blessed with a medical condition. I’m sorry for being bluntly honest, but this way of thinking and acting won’t bring along anything good on the long run.

Then there are the people (most of the people) who are horribly unhappy with their situation and spend their lives crying and being depressed. It is normal to feel this way at times, but being always upset over it won’t make it better. It doesn’t help you or anyone around you. It makes you become unmotivated and you will literally waste your life just sitting and pitying yourself. Sure we all wish we didn’t have to deal with this, but it is what it is. Better think of all the things you can actually do? There is something for everyone, especially in this day of technology. Focus more on your family and job/school, get a hobby, learn a new skill (lots of online free learning websites for anything you can possibly think of). These things will make you feel like you are truly accomplishing something and not waste your life thinking of how your life would be if you were healthy.

I will at some point in the future make a big blog post regarding the many disabled people who changed the world one way or another. They found their way in life and if they could, then why couldn’t you? To give a fast example now, you all heard of Stephen Hawking. He’s brilliant and has achieved so so much. You don’t need a healthy body to reach the sky.

Also, no matter how rare or impossibly to fix disability you have, never stop checking the news in the medical field. The progress is so fast and mind blowing, in a few years we will be able to fix almost anything. Join communities, subscribe to websites, check news. Maybe the day will come. Never stop hoping and try to keep a realistic view on the things.