Disability and Relationships

Everyone needs and wants to be loved. It’s natural and beautiful. And we all fall for someone sooner or later, it just depends on the reciprocation of the feelings.

One thing which annoys me greatly is when I hear some says that if you have a disability, you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. That is bullshit! It’s rude, wrong and mean. And the funniest thing is that once I’ve been told this exact same thing by someone who ended up having a horrific love life while mine has been pretty decent up to this age. Now, if you have a disability and have the same state of mind as I mentioned before, this is a really bad thing and it won’t bring you anything good. You have the right to love and be loved as much as any other able bodied person. Now, let’s get some things straight.

A bad attitude is worse than having a disability

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes your failure when you are looking for a partner doesn’t come from your physical issues but from the way you’re handling it emotionally. Don’t start a conversation with endless complaints about your condition. Don’t try to make yourself look “special” or “different”, since this can be quite offputting and intimidate your date, who might have second thoughts on how to handle this from an emotional point of view to meet your needs. And don’t bomb your date with explanations on how your condition is affecting you from the first minutes, unless he asks. However, if things are moving in the right direction, it is very important to have a serious discussion and make sure your date understands fully what your challenges are. If they are really into you, they won’t go back on it so don’t be scared.

It’s not all about a flawless body

If a guy/girl is interested only in his partner’s looks, we’re either talking about a teenager or someone who really doesn’t want to grow up. A relationship is much more than sex, and it involves communication, finding common hobbies, long deep conversations, laughing at eachother’s jokes, sharing similar views and more. Attraction is important, but sometimes the things that make you worth thinking of will be the things you say and do.

No one is perfect

Never ever think that you are flawed because of your disability. Just because your imperfection is visible, it doesn’t mean it’s a lot greater than someone else’s “invisible” flaw. Some people are jealous, others are constantly nagging, some suffer from personality disorders which affect their everyday life, but when you fall in love with someone, none of these things matter anymore. So why would a wheelchair matter? Because you sometimes need help getting around or completing everyday tasks? It’s no different than helping your partner doing the dishes, offering emotional support when they’re down or offering to help them with small things around the house. A relationship means being there for eachother for good and for bad.

These are just a few small things I felt like throwing out there for the people who are afraid of dating. I’ve been in 3 long term relationships so far (currently on my 3rd), which sadly ended both because of our young age and some issues which were totally unrelated to my disability. Those were some valuable learning experiences though, so no hard feelings.

I will come back soon with a post on sexuality, but my time is short right now, and that will be a more lengthy post than this one.

Accessible traveling - Basic tips

Photo taken from www.toskana.net

Traveling is a thing which everyone loves and enjoys to the fullest whenever they can, but it can sometimes be a hassle for someone with reduced mobility. Sadly, lots of places have limited accessibility and you can find yourself wasting your time trying to find solutions rather than enjoying the surroundings. So many people simply abandon the thought of a fun holiday away from their home, simply because planning it ahead seems too complicated. But in reality, it’s not so bad! After living on my own in a foreign country and traveling on my own around Europe, I’ve learned some tips to make everything smooth and easy.

1. Plan your route

No matter what the means of transport of choice is (unless it’s a car), make sure the country you are planning to visit has accessible public transport, or if it is limited to certain routes, make sure you plan it according to those routes. To give an example, in Brussels there were only 2 Bus lines which were fully accessible so it would have been a good idea to plan the sightseeing and the accommodation as close as possible to one of the bus stations provided. Also, you might need to require assistance 24 hours in advance for other means of transport such as trains and boats, so they know and install a ramp or whatever it is necessary to make your trip smooth and worryless. This is usually easily done through phone or on their websites.

2. Accomodation

Keep in mind that not all hotels have rooms designed to host a person with disabilities, while others might have stairs and no elevators. The same goes for hostels. There are various websites which can help you choose the perfect hotel for your staying. For Europe, I found Disabled Holiday Directory to be very useful. And I’ve made a quick research for US too, and found Hotels.doc which basically has a filtering option for a variety of accessibility options. Call the hotel in advance and ask to be sure, since sometimes their understanding of accessibility might be a little different from your actual needs, which can become inconvenient. Accessible accommodation is extremely important, to make sure you get enough rest to be able to enjoy the holiday to the fullest!

3. Accessible tourist attractions

For each country and city, you can easily find online a list of fun places to visit which are fully tailored to meet any difficulties you might have with accessibility. Usually, most museums have ramps and elevators, but if you are thinking of visiting old castles or natural attractions, you might want to check beforehand. Check their website or give them a call.

If you are planning to visit places in Europe, please be aware of the fact that some of the old cities, like Rome and Brussels are covered in cobblestone, which can make for a bumpy ride for wheelchair users or make it very easy to trip for someone who has trouble walking unassisted. There are maps and directions online, for the routes with “new” paths, so you can avoid those places or at least be aware of what you are going to encounter.

All in all, just buy a map, mark the places you want to visit and make a route. Try to stick to it as much as possible, and everything should be alright. Or if you are a fan of adventure, just go with the flow! Just make sure you don’t end up stuck or not being able to see much. It depends a lot on the country too, since some are 80% accessible, and others need a lot of planning. But as I said, research it well before leaving and have fun!

There are just a few tips for a smooth and pleasant holiday planning while dealing with physical impairment. I am soon planning on making a detailed guide for traveling in Brussels and Amsterdam, since those are my favorite Europe destinations that I have visited. Hopefully, there will be London and Paris coming up this year! I just need to visit them first.

For any questions or if you want to add anything, don’t hesitate to comment to this post, message me, or contact me through the Facebook Page. I will do my best to research with you and helping however I can.

5 Famous People who overcame their disability

I often hear people with disabilities saying that they want to do a certain big thing but they won’t even try, because they know they won’t succeed. But have you even tried? Maybe there is a way to do it, or maybe there is something else you can do which is very much related to your first plan. Where would the world be if everyone did the same? You might say that the others are not disabled so everything is easier for them. So I picked 5 disabled personalities who will live forever in the world’s memory for their amazing achievements. What if they would have had this “I can’t” attitude? The world would be poorer for sure. So next time you hesitate, think of these awesome people and try again!

Stephen Hawking (born in 1942)

It’s almost impossible to never hear of Stephen Hawking on the internet or on TV. He is an English theoretical physicist, cosmologist, author and Director of Research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology within the University of Cambridge and he is famous for discussing his own theories and cosmology in general.

Hawking has a motor neuron disease related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), or Lou Gehrig's Disease, a condition that has progressed over the years. He is almost entirely paralysed and communicates through a speech-generating device.

As a science enthusiast myself, I think this man is amazing. And the most important, he never gave up on his studies and his dream of making groundbreaking discoveries, despite his condition which got worse and worse as the years passed.

Since the 1990s, Hawking has accepted the mantle of role model for disabled people, lecturing and participating in fundraising activities. At the turn of the century, he and eleven other luminaries signed the "Charter for the Third Millennium on Disability" which called on governments to prevent disability and protect disabled rights.
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Hawking

http://www.hawking.org.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/stephenhawking

Ludwig Van Beethoven (1770 - 1827)

We move on to those who are no longer on Earth, but only in spirit and memory. Not many know that the famous musician whose symphonies are still listened every day all over the world, was actually deaf. He gradually lost his hearing, starting from the age of 30, and by the last decade of his life he was totally deaf.

Despite his loss of hearing, he continued to compose, many of his most admired works actually dating from the time when he was completely deaf. There are lots of explanations for his ability to still compose wonderful music despite his complete lack of hearing, but I guess he just found a way to adapt and keep doing what he loved the most.

So next time you hear the Ninth Symphony, remember that disability is not an impediment to doing what you love, but just a challenge you can overcome!

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_van_Beethoven
http://www.biography.com/people/ludwig-van-beethoven-9204862

Frida Khalo (1907 - 1954)

The famous Mexican painter is well known for her self-portraits and her work has always been an emblematic of Mexican national and indigenous tradition and by feminists for its uncompromising depiction of the female experience and form.

She had numerous health issues, part of which were caused by a bus accident in 1925. The bus she was riding collided with a trolley car. She suffered serious injuries as a result of the accident, including a broken spinal column, a broken collarbone, broken ribs, a broken pelvis, eleven fractures in her right leg, a crushed and dislocated right foot, and a dislocated shoulder. She recovered from the serious injuries, but never fully.

Kahlo also contracted polio at age six, which left her right leg thinner than the left; she disguised this later in life by wearing long, colorful skirts. It has been conjectured that she was born with spina bifida, a congenital condition that could have affected both spinal and leg development.

Despite her situation, she never gave up on painting, instead she managed to transcend her pain and express it in her paintings.

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frida_Kahlo
http://www.fridakahlo.com/

Bethany Hamilton (born in 1990)

Bethany is an American professional surfer who lost one of her arms in a shark attack back in 2003. While most people doubted she would be back to surfing, she never allowed her accident to stand in the way of her passion – surfing. She wrote about her experience in the 2004 autobiography Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Fighting to Get Back on the Board. In April 2011, the feature film Soul Surfer was released; it was based on the book and additional interviews. She has appeared on many television shows since the loss of her arm.

Her and her husband, Adam Dirks, are competing as a team on one of my favorite TV shows, The Amazing Race, which has the final episode this Friday. They made it to the final 4 and I’ve been rooting from them from the very beginning, really hoping they will win this. Bethany was amazing through the whole competition and rocked all the challenges despite her having one arm. I always try to adapt to the everyday tasks, but even I was blown away seeing her finding her own ways to do things which are sometimes hard to do even for people with two arms. And what I loved the most about their team, I’ve never seen them fighting or arguing. One of my favorite all time teams! Best of luck on Friday, Bethany and Adam!

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bethany_Hamilton
http://bethanyhamilton.com/
https://www.facebook.com/SurferBethanyHamilton

Nicholas James "Nick" Vujicic (born in 1982)

Nick is an Australian motivational speaker and an Evangelist preacher born with a rare disorder called “tetra-amelia syndrome”, which basically means that he is missing all of his four limbs. Despite his severe condition, he chose to have a fulfilling life and motivate everyone else to do the same. He has a double bachelor degree in accounting and financial planning and he is the founder of the non-profit organization Life Without Limbs.

Vujicic promotes his work through television shows and through his writing. His first book, Life Without Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously Good Life was published by Random House in 2010. He markets a motivational DVD,Life's Greater Purpose, a short documentary filmed in 2005 highlighting his home life and regular activities. The second part of the DVD was filmed at his local church in Brisbane – one of his first professional motivational speeches. He markets a DVD for young people titled No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!.

He managed to look beyond his disability and lead a fulfilling life, while helping others to overcome their own obstacles and I think that's an amazing way of spending your life.

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NickVujicic