Everyone needs and wants to be loved. It’s natural and beautiful. And we all fall for someone sooner or later, it just depends on the reciprocation of the feelings.
One thing which annoys me greatly is when I hear some says that if you have a disability, you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. That is bullshit! It’s rude, wrong and mean. And the funniest thing is that once I’ve been told this exact same thing by someone who ended up having a horrific love life while mine has been pretty decent up to this age. Now, if you have a disability and have the same state of mind as I mentioned before, this is a really bad thing and it won’t bring you anything good. You have the right to love and be loved as much as any other able bodied person. Now, let’s get some things straight.
A bad attitude is worse than having a disability
What I’m trying to say is that sometimes your failure when you are looking for a partner doesn’t come from your physical issues but from the way you’re handling it emotionally. Don’t start a conversation with endless complaints about your condition. Don’t try to make yourself look “special” or “different”, since this can be quite offputting and intimidate your date, who might have second thoughts on how to handle this from an emotional point of view to meet your needs. And don’t bomb your date with explanations on how your condition is affecting you from the first minutes, unless he asks. However, if things are moving in the right direction, it is very important to have a serious discussion and make sure your date understands fully what your challenges are. If they are really into you, they won’t go back on it so don’t be scared.
It’s not all about a flawless body
If a guy/girl is interested only in his partner’s looks, we’re either talking about a teenager or someone who really doesn’t want to grow up. A relationship is much more than sex, and it involves communication, finding common hobbies, long deep conversations, laughing at eachother’s jokes, sharing similar views and more. Attraction is important, but sometimes the things that make you worth thinking of will be the things you say and do.
No one is perfect
Never ever think that you are flawed because of your disability. Just because your imperfection is visible, it doesn’t mean it’s a lot greater than someone else’s “invisible” flaw. Some people are jealous, others are constantly nagging, some suffer from personality disorders which affect their everyday life, but when you fall in love with someone, none of these things matter anymore. So why would a wheelchair matter? Because you sometimes need help getting around or completing everyday tasks? It’s no different than helping your partner doing the dishes, offering emotional support when they’re down or offering to help them with small things around the house. A relationship means being there for eachother for good and for bad.
These are just a few small things I felt like throwing out there for the people who are afraid of dating. I’ve been in 3 long term relationships so far (currently on my 3rd), which sadly ended both because of our young age and some issues which were totally unrelated to my disability. Those were some valuable learning experiences though, so no hard feelings.
I will come back soon with a post on sexuality, but my time is short right now, and that will be a more lengthy post than this one.
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